i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
