i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize