She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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