May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize