areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize