can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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