you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
