Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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