jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
