Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
