make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
