he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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