is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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