Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
