You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
