If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
