Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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