I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This is not my ceiling
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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