direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
