i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
