So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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