dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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