Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
