i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
