So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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