theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
