I faked an abortion last night.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
