Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
