I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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