i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
