i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
