she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize