I could have mohawked her pubes.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize