just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
