jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
one two three fourrrrnication!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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