Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
