How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
