If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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