Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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