The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
