I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
