That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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