i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
