i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
high people should be assigned attendants
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
