the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
