life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
