she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
