Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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