WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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