Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
