Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
