it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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