the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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