And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
