remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Randomize
