so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize