So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I understand Curling. That high.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
