let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
