i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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