Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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