its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
