Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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