i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
