peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
