So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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