she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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