sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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