Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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