What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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