the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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