So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I need moral support for this bender
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
