she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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