You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
