i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
